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By S. Harry Zade
Browsing All Posts filed under »Taming the Pumpkin«
Taming the Pumpkin: The Contemplative Life
In the weeks since I returned the cat, things have been relatively quiet for me. There have been no suicide attempts, no patients dropping from the ceiling, no quitting of jobs, no traipsing across the country, no ancient African Gods bumming a ride. I’ve stopped trying to be a meddlesome father to my daughter; we […]
Taming the Pumpkin: The Ownership of Thoughts
August 4, 2012
It seems as though my mind is a thought factory, working constantly, at peak capacity, three shifts a day, seven days a week. It manufactures thoughts to order, as when I sit with a patient and she asks me what I think; but, mostly, it churns them out on speculation. It crams the warehouses full […]
Taming the Pumpkin: Surrender
July 25, 2012
“What happened to your faith?” lisped the barista at the Epiphany Café as she spooned foam into my mocha. I knew what she meant. She was asking about my face, which has looked better, but the answer to the two questions was the same. “I had it for a minute, but I must’ve misplaced it.” […]
Taming the Pumpkin: Desire
July 22, 2012
I sat on the curb and awaited a taxi. Carol’s escaped cat came by, approaching me from the long way, announcing her presence with a mew that straddled the border between greeting and complaint. “Hi, there, Missy,” I said, reaching out my hand. “They gave you a stupid name, you know.” She didn’t seem to […]
Taming the Pumpkin, continued: Inside the Rock Tumbler
July 18, 2012
Back when my son Paul was alive, and a child, he used to dig holes in the back yard. He would adopt stones that he liked and would line the shelves of his room with them. His mother used to complain of the grime he brought into the house, until, noting a sustained interest in […]
Earliest Memory
May 15, 2012
Of all the things that happened in the first years of your life, why is your earliest memory your earliest memory? You fed your Cheerios to the dog, dropping them from your highchair; you wrote on the wall, screamed your bloody lungs out in your crib, toddled across the living room to the kitchen and […]
Taming the Pumpkin: Multiple
April 25, 2012
There aren’t many mental illnesses that therapists are accused of creating, but dissociative identity disorder, or multiple personality disorder, as it officially used to be known, is one of them. It may be the only one. Blaming people for creating mental illness has mostly gone out of style since we made too many enemies blaming parents, mothers […]
Free at Last
March 11, 2012
Despite being half polluted by cigarettes, the air outside the hospital door had that sweet smell of freedom. To the east, The Plains spread out their splendor as an Indian at a rest stop spreads her jewelry on blankets. To the west, the mountains piled up, as children at a park will lie giggling in […]
Going Meta
March 7, 2012
“I suppose you think you’re clever.” “What do you mean?” I said, stalling, although I thought I knew what he meant. I’d been trying to talk my way out of the psychiatric emergency room. “Not just that,” he said, as if he had read my mind. “The whole thing: taming the pumpkin, the blog, the […]
Deus ex Machina
March 4, 2012
Lying alone in a hospital bed in the psychiatric emergency ward gave me much more time to think than was healthy. I wasn’t suicidal when I was admitted, but I was certainly getting more so now, approaching my second day in two different beds. The camera at the ceiling continued its unblinking stare. A restlessness […]
True Story
March 1, 2012
“The guard’s trying to get my kidney,” said Charisa, the round-headed waif. The first thing she said to me. “Why does he want your kidney?” “They all do,” she whispered. “They want to sell it.” “Others are in on it?” She glanced back at where the guard might be and stepped in my room. “Yea, […]
The Undercover Shrink
February 24, 2012
“How did you get Charisa to talk?” asked the Psych Assignment Officer (PAO) when she finally saw me. “No one has been able to get close to her.” The PAO was the type of woman that wouldn’t mind being called a crone. I knew them well; that’s what they call themselves. They flock to the […]
Taming the Pumpkin
February 20, 2012
Once upon a time a traveler hiked down from the mountains into a remote valley to find all the farmers there in a panic. They were running from their vegetable garden into their village, screaming. The women clutched their children close and the men grabbed their hoes, rakes, and pitchforks to defend themselves. “What’s wrong?” […]
September 23, 2012
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